Self-compassion refers to the degree of kindness, mercy, tolerance, and gentleness that a person offers to themselves, just as they would offer these feelings to their closest loved ones when they go through problems, crises, or hardships—surrounding them with care, containment, empathy, and support to ease their suffering and show compassion toward them. It is both wise and more fitting for a person to grant themselves these noble feelings just as they grant them to others—and even more so. This state is described as “compassionate self-embrace.”

This meaning may be absent for some—or many—due to unfamiliarity with the concept and the skill itself. One of the most prominent reasons for this absence is the failure to instill it in children from the outset during the early stages of socialization. Parenting styles often tend to judge children’s behaviors and selves, offer sermons and advice, and impose various forms of blame, reproach, and reprimand when mistakes occur. Added to this are experiences of harsh treatment and excessive authoritarianism. From here arises the distancing from experiencing the concept of self-compassion and neglecting its importance and value in every person’s life.

However, it is reassuring to know that such skills can be acquired at any stage of life. Even if parental upbringing—often unintentionally, due to a lack of knowledge and awareness rather than a desire to cause harm—has overlooked this meaning, the opportunity remains open to learn and acquire this refined human skill and value. It carries within it healing and relief from numerous, intertwined psychological pains accumulated over years of life, unhappy experiences, and repeated, harsh feelings of disappointment.

When we say to others during difficult times, “Be gentle with yourself,” “Have mercy on yourself,” “Do not be harsh on yourself,” “Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity,” and “Your self has a right over you,” we must remember to live these meanings with ourselves before offering them to others. At its core, self-compassion contradicts self-flagellation, which many people practice skillfully, often without ever considering its opposite: gentleness and mercy toward the self. This latter meaning is closer to earning Allah’s pleasure when He sees a person being gentle with themselves and with others. Indeed, among Allah’s established ways in creation is His love of gentleness in all matters: “Gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disfigures it,” as our noble Messenger (peace be upon him) taught us this lofty virtue of mercy, kindness, and gentleness. How, then, can the higher principles of Shariah command us to practice this meaning with others while we deprive ourselves of living it and dwelling in its tranquility?

Self-compassion does not mean negligence, recklessness, or a lack of responsibility. On the contrary, it aims at kindness and gentleness toward the self regarding past mistakes, slips, and missteps that can no longer be corrected in the present. It also seeks mercy toward the self in forms of suffering that come from the harm of others—matters beyond one’s control. If a person cannot change or make decisions to rectify such matters, they are called to accept their reality and blend this acceptance with self-compassion rather than self-blame for what lies beyond their will or responsibility.

To cultivate and deepen self-compassion, a person is encouraged to observe the following practices:

Living the present moment (“here and now”):
This principle is foundational to self-compassion. It frees the mind from immersion in painful past events and uncertain future concerns. The present is the only time we truly possess; everything else is illusion and mirage. The first step in avoiding the trap of self-blame is not allowing thoughts to drift away from the present. This can be achieved by practicing mindfulness—focusing the mind’s full energy on one thing without judgment—by engaging the five senses: savoring the taste of food, listening to rhythmic sounds like rainfall, feeling water on the body while bathing, inhaling a favorite fragrance, or visually immersing oneself in the beauty of nature. Such practices calm the mind and anchor it in the present.

Embracing pain:
Do not deny your pain, flee from it, or struggle against it. Embrace your humanity with its strengths and weaknesses. Feeling pain at times is a sign that your spirit is still alive and well. This aligns with the concept of unconditional self-acceptance—loving oneself with all virtues and flaws. Allah did not create us as angels or devils, but as humans who err and succeed. Perfection is unattainable for anyone except the infallible prophets and messengers. Loving oneself is not selfishness; rather, it is a healthy self-regard that nurtures self-worth, confidence, forgiveness of mistakes, and inner peace.

Reframing negative self-talk:
Harsh blame often comes from within through the language we use with ourselves. The solution lies in monitoring and reshaping this internal dialogue—replacing negative labels and severe criticism with realistic, compassionate, and supportive language. Instead of saying, “I am a failure” after an unsuccessful experience, one might say, “I am trying, making efforts, and doing my best until I succeed.”

The virtue of gratitude:
Gratitude is among the strongest supporters of self-compassion. Intentionally directing the mind to recognize Allah’s blessings, focusing on three deeply felt blessings, writing them down, and reading them daily upon waking and before sleeping fosters a deep sense of being enveloped in divine grace. This perspective nurtures tranquility of mind and reassurance of the heart.

Be yourself and avoid comparison with others:
Comparing oneself to others disrupts inner peace and breeds dissatisfaction. Every person carries unique beauty and a distinct spirit. If comparison occurs, it should be with one’s past self—measuring growth and progress—thus fostering personal development rather than inner imbalance and self-deprecation.

Listen to the words you use to comfort others—and say them to yourself:
The compassionate words we offer others in times of pain are often the very words we ourselves need. Repeating and internalizing such affirmations can ease self-blame and nurture self-compassion. Examples include:

• I deserve to live in peace and happiness.

• I am fine in all circumstances; I do not need to be perfect.

• I can achieve my dreams despite everything.

In conclusion, Dr. Mustafa Mahmoud says:

“Mercy is the deepest, purest, and most refined meaning of life, for it unites love, forgiveness, sacrifice, and generosity in a single virtue.”